Thursday, May 23, 2013

The Secret Project: Choosing The Right Guide

Once a secret project matures from an idea in infancy, nestled and coddled, into an adventurous toddler in need of supervision while experiencing new grounds, the need for a project guide emerges.  Someone to shape the project in terms of manners, obedience, and love.  For without guidance, the project is at risk of turning feral and doomed to roam a dark forest forever. Because this project has been a goal twenty years in the striving for, because I've been explicitly asked to NOT do this, and because I will have to spend an inordinate amount of time visiting my dark side, I needed to seek out a therapist.
I will admit I was ready to run at first.  Filling out paperwork in a sterile small room I had 15 minutes to myself.  Time to bail.  The moments ticking away like hammer slams, my shoulder blades burned with anxiety.  I need to do this..... I need to do this.  I've got this...... Ok I'm outta here! It would be so much easier to deny this project!  No nooooo.... just NO.  The door opens and I am trapped.  But I can still keep everything to myself, my locked box. I don't have to say a word.  But then nothing moves forward.  Everything remains the same and what needs to be spoken is denied a voice for another decade.
There is magic medicine in therapy. It is pure mental massage. I say, proudly, I have sought the help of a therapist at many key points in my life.  I can bear my soul without judgment, without prejudice and under strict confidentiality.  Therapists are like shoes- some look great but feel awful, others have a pillowy cushion that provides support in all the right places. I've tried on some fabulous heels that rubbed me the wrong way but the therapist I met today was pure Dr. Scholls! We chatted fluidly and had an instant connection. She has agreed to be my guide and I feel in my heart she is the perfect fit for my secret project.
A key ingredient for therapy days is a sweet reward; something I can look forward to after the hard working out of mental clogs. A gentle reminder to not take myself so seriously and that life is a journey where I can choose the course.  And let's face it, sugary prettiness appeals to the toddler in all of us!


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