Wednesday, July 10, 2013

The Secret Project: An Observation

My writing has always gotten me into trouble.  Love notes intercepted in middle school, petty girl fights, party promises and late night ranting.  I just loved my pen and paper so much that I overcame the feared school counselor or the inevitable parent-teacher call.  Blah blah blabbity blah, I was in hot water...again. But despite the content, no one ever told me my ramblings were poorly written.  Guess there's something to be said for that small victory.
 Through my teen years I honed my talent to code meaning and avoid those embarrassing confrontations with authority.  I never wanted to be without my voice- or to curtail what I was saying because no one wanted to bear witness to the ugliness of adolescence.  I bought pretty books in which to put my thoughts, as if one would balance the other.  Ugly versus pretty. Truth be told my journals held all the unpleasantries of my formative years but they were contained inside pretty wrappers that looked lovely on a shelf.  Perhaps more symbolic of the real me than any vulgarity spelled out on a page.  We all have trials, things that happen to us, good and bad.  It's how we react to events that shape who we become.
I always knew I had a quirky dark side.  Most artists and writers do.  It is the give and take for talent.  I find it odd that darkness in the mature artist is celebrated, contemplated and theorized over, yet darkness in a child is not a welcome sign of a creative soul. Or is it the suffering in silence that turns a young soul into the artistic kind? As a child, I masked my trials and experiences. I coded them into all those pages with pretty covers.  Though I tried to voice them to the adults in my life, no one really wanted to hear it. But for years my codes have wanted to be revealed for what they really are: A triumphant will for survival.  No longer a secret but a story. A way to give tragedy an opportunity to heal. Not just for my own healing, but for so many others as well, artists or not. 
My writing has always gotten me into trouble.  Why should I stop now? 

No comments:

Post a Comment